Picture Credit: Ceylon Today
By Dr. Tilak S. Fernando
By Dr. Tilak S. Fernando
A young
girl just over 16, whom the writer was sponsoring for her education at a
private international school, decided to elope with an unemployed youth of 19
years of age last month, just ahead of her GCE (O/L) examination in December.
This nonsensical act devastated all her parents' ambitions and expectations. It
makes us difficult to comprehend the mentality of the present day youths who
get blinded by infatuation at such a tender age. It may be too late for her to
realize her folly now, but certainly she has dug her own grave, influenced by
two of her friends (girls) according to the principal of the international
school, who had advised the girl's mother on several occasions, when he came to
know how she played truant.
The girl's
mother did not pay much attention to the school principal's prior warnings and
advice, but now she is heartbroken and repents in the absence of any sign of
hope of her daughter's whereabouts, despite lodging a police entry. In the
meanwhile, the girl's father is in uncontrollable rage. He had been building
too many castles in the air about her ending up at university level and even
beyond up to professional status. In his fury he has warned his wife not to
accept the daughter, even if she were to end up at their doorstep at any
moment. He considers his daughter to be 'dead' and, immediately upon hearing
about the news of elope, wanted to give a 'seventh day alms giving' too, which
is customary among Buddhists when a person dies! His wrath is so deep and harsh
that he has warned his wife, with serious consequences, not to entertain the
daughter in the event of her coming back. In his rage, he bundled up daughter's
books, clothes, and entire belongings into a sack and wanted to burn them!
This
incident makes others to think about how to control anger and to bring about
justice, peace, and fairness to each other in society, as the responsibility of
creating enmity within human beings is dependent upon people themselves. Most
people automatically react with anger upon hearing about various forms of
misdeeds, torture to fellow human beings or reading about child molestations,
rapes, and killings.
Types of
anger
Parents
get incensed and irritated when they see their children get up to deceit and
shams. A small child's attempts to touch a hot iron, for example, may cause any
watching parent's adrenalin to rise and react at times with anger. When someone
cuts one off in traffic, the other driver's blood pressure will rise up at
rocket speed. Anger is normal and a healthy emotion by default and, for health
reasons particularly, one has to deal with it in a positive way because
uncontrollable anger can affect one's health and relationships equally.
In the
case of a parent's anger mentioned earlier, having seen the small child's
attempt to touch a hot iron is mainly attributed to the parent's reflex arc
with love towards the child to protect the infant getting injured. On a
different perspective, a tiny insignificant incident can make one angry, for
instance, when a person gets frustrated in getting something done out of a
government office without having to oil the palm of someone - no one can blame
him for losing his temper.
If we were
to speak about the current feelings about politicians associated with bribery
and corruption in our country, the inference would be utter rage. In fact, the
voters got rid of the previous regime on the premise of eradicating corruption,
and elected a new administration called Yahapalanaya to see that justice and
honour prevails. Having promised the voter to bring about just and fairness in
governance, but hopelessly failing to honour their promises so far, except
performing television dramatics to expose a few of the so-called perpetrators,
people's anger and frustration could be justified. A recent news item about a
school principal who accepted a bribe of Rs 25,000 to admit a child to the
school was found guilty, and a magistrate ordering her eight years of rigorous
imprisonment as against politicians and ministers of the previous regime, who
have cases pending for millions for playing out tax payers' money, having only
brought to the FCID and Courts and then released on bail takes the cake. The
Central Bank Bond scam, proposed new Kandy expressway and extension to the
southern expressway at present stand in front of the public eye as sore thumbs.
Dangers
When one
becomes agitated one can easily become restless and frantic causing the person
to come out with unnecessary and unwarranted statements, which one begins to
regret only later. Also, not everyone who loses their temper treats and calls
the other as his rival or enemy, but anger is one of the most devastating
emotions which can ruin a relationship, break a longstanding friendship,
capable of creating enemies. In some quarters anger is considered as a positive
emotion to get what you want. Just by getting angry won't cause others to
change their attitudes always. Equally, it becomes impractical to make an attempt
to change others through anger because an individual's rage is extremely minute
compared with the wrong doings and injustices of the world today. No matter
what, therefore, getting stressed out through anger is certain to be harmful to
a person's heath.
Wrath can
be divided into two groups, 'justified' or 'unselfish' anger and the 'sinful'
type. For example, if a wife a gets irritated having noticed that her husband
has used her shampoo to the last drop leaving her with nothing to wash her
hair, it could be treated as momentary or justified anger. However, if a
certain act is done purposely to irritate or hurt another person, it becomes
the second-degree anger, which tends to drag on for hours, days and may be for
years. That type of anger is converted into a sinful type.
Anger is a
normal healthy emotion by default. It can run from a full range of a blameless
sense of injustice to petty hatred, culminated in whims and fancies of taking
revenge and cowing, prior to intensifying modes of hatred and physical
violence, crime, and war.
Psychologists
advise people to assess the level of the problem and take appropriate action to
deal with the issues that crop up, but when someone gets angry, such theories
are seen as irrational to follow because any kind of positive thinking is lost
within the split second of an exploded situation, and the force of anger
becomes too dynamic to overcome with any rational limitation. They also say
"Your anger is all about you and you will never deal with it until you
look inward to examine yourself."
There are
several recommended tips to get rid of one's anger. One would be to go to a
quiet place and breathe deeply until one is calm and relaxed. Even in Yoga
practice, breathing is highly recommended to bring calmness. Listening to
soothing music, use of a stress-relief toy (e.g. stress relief ball) is also
recommended as anger relieving exercises. The main thing to remember is to
refrain from senseless babbling and to collect one's thoughts before speaking.
‘The
sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath’. – Gautama
Buddha
Ceylon Today -Sept 2017