NEGATIVE KARMA
By Dr. Tilak S. Fernando
Picture credit: Google
SriLankan Airline’s direct flight from
London Heathrow to Bandaranaike International Airport landed in the early hours
of a Saturday morning. Among hundreds of
passengers disembarking the plane was Sunil, with a grown and ‘uncontrolled’
beard, dishevelled long hair and dressed in a cotton T-shirt and a pair of blue
jeans. Wearing a pair of sneakers on his feet, he carried a small backpack over
his right shoulder as his only baggage and walked at snail’s pace towards the
immigration and Emigration counters at the airport, along with the other
passengers.
It was Sunil’s first visit to his homeland after nearly a decade. Needless to say, he was highly impressed
having seen the modern and impressive Bandaranaike airport, which had been
given a facelift to bring it up to international standards
Walking along the concourse, direct from the plane into the
airport building, his thoughts went back to his first flight out of the
Ratmalana airport, a few years ago, where he had to walk up to the plane and
climb a flight of steps to get into an Air Ceylon plane that took him to Bombay
and a connecting flights to Switzerland before he finally reached Heathrow
airport in London on a cold and dim January morning.
As he approached the immigration hall, which was impressive
and clean with shiny tiled floors, Sunil was taken aback for a second
looking at the multiple of immigration counters in existence now. “My goodness!
What a development all round! When I
travelled out it was only one counter and a single immigration officer at the
desk, but now.....wow !”
I can’t honestly believe I am in Sri Lanka. Well! Well!!... Who
can say our airport is not up to international standards anymore? Look at the number of people coming into the
country – tourists and our own people..! Separate counters for Sri Lankan
passport holders and separate ones for foreigners as well. Wow! How efficiently
and smoothly everything works like clockwork,” Sunil wondered.
In the early hours of the morning at the Bandaranaike Airport
Sunil could not blame the immigration officer who did not greet him with a
‘good morning’ gesture or a pleasant smile, but served him with a straight face
and got on with his job.
“Can’t blame the poor chaps who have to travel long distances
and sit there so early in the morning, still half asleep and doing a monotonous
job,” he thought. The array of duty-free shops and the cheap liquor fascinated
him. “I say! They don’t sell cigarettes now at the arrival terminal anymore,
but it’s a bit of a silly idea then to sell cigarettes to outgoing passengers
duty free”! he sighed.
“Sunil still expected to see old Morris Minors or Renault
Dauphines as taxis in Colombo, but was relieved to be able to book a vehicle to
Kalutara as he came out of the Customs area. On his way, inside the taxi, Sunil
wanted to break the monotony of the journey.
“Look at the number of posh cars people drive in Sri Lanka.
Certainly the country has developed a lot, who says people in Sri Lanka have no
money?” He opened up a conversation with the driver.
“Thiyana minihata thiyanawa sir, nethi ekata kannath nehe...!” (The
rich have loads, sir, but the poor can’t even afford a meal these days!)
“You
must be coming to the country after a long time then Sir”?
“Yes, in fact I am coming after nearly ten years”.
“Do you live in Dubai....sir”?
“No, I come from London, and
originally I lived in Kalutara”.
“Is your family in London as well sir”?
“Yes, I have two children and the madam is Russian.”
“Oh I see! That’s the trouble sir, when you get married to
foreign women sometimes you can lose your freedom, no sir! Pardon me for saying
so....”
“Well, in a way you could be right to a certain extent”.
“Are you on holiday, Sir, and doesn’t your wife and children
like to come to Sri Lanka...”?
Sunil had a thousand and one answers, but he diverted the
conversation by asking the driver about the country, the number of cars on the
road, the three-wheelers and the indiscipline of motorists and pedestrians in
Sri Lanka.
As the taxi approached the Kalutara Bo-tree, and the new bridge, the
old hallmarks in his memory made him nostalgic. The taxi passed the Kalutara
clock tower and turned into a side road and stopped in front of a house,
which was on a slight elevation, guarded by an army of dogs.
A young boy in a Spiderman’s suit was playing in the front garden.
Standing at the gate, Sunil gazed at the
boy for a few seconds, opened the gate, and climbed the flights of steps at
three different levels to reach the main glass door that was bolted. He stood
there for a moment, deep in thought for a while, and rang the doorbell and
waited nervously.
A lady in her early forties opened the door, and spoke to the
stranger who was at her door step.
“Hello, can I help you?”
“Sunil became speechless and kept looking at her lovingly for a
moment and forced a smile.
“Oh, my gosh! Ii’s Sunil
isn’t it! What on earth has happened to you Sunil? Look at you; you look quite
a different man. I could not even recognize you at first, if not for your
smile. Come in.... come in..... and take
a seat.”
Sunil slowly entered the sitting room and sat on a comfortable
arm chair by the window.
“This indeed is a surprise to me Sunil. So... so.... tell
me....tell me..... When did you arrive in Sri Lanka?” asked Matilda with a
smile.
“I actually landed only this morning, and thought of making a
beeline to Kalutara, my old haunts”!
“Oh that’s good. So, what
have you been up to in England all these years, and have you finished your PhD
in London, and what are you doing these days for a living – settled down in
London...?”
“No Matilda ..... It’s a long story, and I had to give up my
post graduate studies half way through. It
was very complicated”, he stuttered.
“Actually I am to be blamed for it. It was such a shame that I
had to abandon studies after two years of hard work. Everything went a bit of
out of control Matilda.”
“So have you now come to settle down in Sri Lanka after all,
then?”
“No...I just thought of coming for a break. I have to get back
actually.........”
“He knew that he had nowhere to go back to in England, but how
could he tell her that direct”?
“How is Katrina and the kids...”?
Sunil was flabbergasted.
“So, you knew about Katrina and the kids also......”?
“Yes of course, in fact, Asoka was here on holiday sometime
back, and he invited me for dinner once. I got all the information about you from him –
your partner Katrina is a Russian girl
and all about your kids too! He told me, in fact, you were very happy over
there. I was happy for you Sunil.”
“I am very sorry Matilda. I do not know what else to say. When I
look at you, I feel really ashamed of myself, and feel like committing suicide,
,,, … … to tell you the truth. But you
look quite calm and tranquil. I am amazed how you keep your composure and speak
to me in this manner after I have treated you so badly. I did not even expect a welcome from you, to
tell you frankly, Matilda I am really ashamed.
“Listen Sunil…, in life one has to face all kinds of trials and
tribulations, you know! I am very much
into spiritualism now. I do not mean
delving with dead spirits or communication with the dead, but on a
philosophical plane and nature of reality. Yes, of course, it has helped me to calm my nerves down, and
look at life in a more positive aspect,
rather than having to brood all the time or pondering over the past”.
“Of course I was worried when your communications became
somewhat short, unusual and irregular at first Sunil, but I put it down to your
busy research schedule in your studies. But I must say, naturally I was
devastated when I heard that you were cohabiting with a young Russian girl who
was old enough to be your daughter. I was mad, and then came the news
about you having kids also out of her. That was the limit for me Sunil. I had to find a way of escaping from that trauma
or commit suicide to avoid the social stigma attached to it. You know how
people talk about these things in Sri Lanka, don’t you? So it was at that juncture my friend
Karon introduced me to meditation”.
“I am really and deeply sorry Matilda, forgive me.”
“It’s all right now Sunil. Meditation sessions have taken me to
a different world altogether. It was difficult at first, but now I have learnt
the art of looking at things not on a physical plane but entirely on a
transcendental aspect. So, may I say that I have disciplined myself to be like
a lotus leaf, you know what I mean.... when a drop of water falls on a lotus
leaf, it does not stay on to it, but drains out of it. Likewise, I have
mastered, through meditation, to cast aside all attachments and worries that
started to pin me down at first. I am fine now”.
“You are a jewel of a woman Matilda... I am truly sorry
dear.”
“Sunil....., after all, what we need to realize is that we are
players of a drama in this transient world, and there is hardly any time to
waste on insignificant trivia. I am a strong believer in Karma. I suppose, we can only have a guideline in our
lives as to what we want in life. The fact remains that we are not at all in
control of our lives at any time! That very understanding keeps me going,
Sunil. So, there are no regrets now, .whatever was destined to happen and, it
took its toll, and we don’t have to keep on looking back and sulk over spilt
milk, but move forward unaffected.”
Sunil felt guilty and ashamed of himself. Seated on his
favourite chair, he looked around and saw that nothing had changed over ten
years. His wedding photograph with Matilda stood proudly on a shelf. The
positions of the television and his favourite armchair had not been changed at
all. The garden was neatly maintained, as before where he could see his son
Rohita playing alone not realizing that his father had arrived after so long.
A wave of nostalgia came over Sunil. He could visualize how on
Sundays he used to lie on bed and read all the newspapers to his heart’s
content; how different it was in London, where he had to cramp into a two
bed-roomed flat with a Russian teenage woman and two boisterous kids. He could
not even browse through Sunday newspapers till the kids went to sleep in the
night!
Sunil was a well established Civil Servant in Colombo, and doing
a responsible job ten years ago. He had all the comforts in Sri Lanka, from an
ancestral luxury house, a loving wife and a son who was only a few months old,
when he decided to go to England on a government scholarship.
Suddenly the telephone rang and Matilda excused herself to
attend to the telephone. Sunil, seated in his old easy chair began to think
whether it was a misfortune that he received a scholarship to go to England to
do a PhD! Naturally he left the family,
the job and the country, with lots of hopes for the future - to come back and
serve the motherland and give back at least in part for the free education he
received from the government. He had an ambition to get back and plan a
brighter future for his son Rohita, who was only a toddler at the time. In a confused state of mind, his thoughts and
counter arguments worried him in trying to find answers .Was it due to the
biological needs of his system that demanded him to have an affair with a
Russian girl, when his wife was thousands of miles away? Was it really the excessive libido, fickle
mindedness or the physical attraction towards the white skin that made him to co-habit,
and furthermore to father two ruffians in London? He was in deep thought trying to find
answers. But it was too late now to think about the past and the damage had
been done irrevocably.“
So how long are you going to be in Sri Lanka... Sunil?” asked Matilda
coming out of the telephone conversation.
Sunil had no proper or direct answers to give. How could he look
at his dear wife in the eye and tell her the price he had to pay for hankering
after a white skin? How could he pour
out to Matilda the amount of struggle he had to undergo to support the Russian
girl and two young kids in London? How
could he say to her that when he lost his job and became penniless and he could
not support his family any more, even with social service benefits? How could he possibly say to Matilda, the
worst and explain how Katrina abandoned him, packed her bags and moved out of
his life leaving the two kids with him to look after? He could not tell her that his children were
taken into custody by the Social Services once their mother abandoned them, and
he could not cope with the dire situation?
Sunil thought it was far degrading
to come out with facts, especially how he suffered from depression and had to
be treated in a mental hospital for months with Electro Convulsive Therapy
(ECT).
He could not possibly disclose to Matilda that once he was
discharged from the hospital he had no place to live in, except a tiny room the
social services found and supported him. How could he spell out to Matilda that
and his savings were zero and all that he could scrape through was his EPF
money to buy an air ticket to Sri Lanka.
Sunil was drowned in a deep ocean of conflicting ideas. Perhaps,
Matilda would have tolerated still and helped him out in his hour of need, if
Sunil were to come clean and tell her. But it became unbearable for him to sit
in front of her anymore and to pretend that everything was normal with him. His
conscience was pricking him to no limits.
“Sunil! Are you suddenly far away in a different
world.......”!
“No Matilda, I have a few more things to do in Colombo, and this
being a short visit, I thought of visiting you direct from the airport, before
I get bogged down with my other work. I
must take your leave now. Once again, all I can say is that I am really...
really and truly sorry that I messed up your life Matlida. Forgive me.dear! That is what I ask God in my
daily prayers now”.
“But Sunil, wait for a moment. Have a cup of tea at least, now
that you have come all this way. After all you have not even said hello to your
son. Give me a second and I will quickly put the kettle on.”
Matilda walked towards her pantry kitchen to make Sunil a cup of
tea. Sunil stretched himself in his chair and thought, how he could face his
son. Rohita was only a toddler when he
left the country. He could visualize how he hugged his little boy and said
he would come back to shape his future.
“How can I turn to this young man now and say, look here son, I
am your biological father, who left you when you were smiling away and burbling
in your cot. This is your father who went to pursue higher studies in a foreign
land, and got entrapped in a shameless and immoral affair with a white teenage
girl, who could be old enough to be your elder sister. This is your father, who
produced two half brothers for you, seven thousand miles away in a foreign land
while your mother looked after you with love, care and hope. What will this
little son of mine say to me”.....?
“If it was in London, perhaps those ruffians would say, you
stupid bastard! I do not want to see you
or have anything to do with you for the pain you inflicted on our mother all
these years.....”
For a disturbed and depressed mind and once treated with
anti-depressant drugs, this kind of stress was not going to help. Sunil felt as if his forehead was about to
burst with a thumping headache. He could no longer sit there as if
nothing had happened. It was not a moment to socialize or show parental love to
his son... and the cup of tea Matilda was making could easily turn into
poison, he thought, with the amount of depressive feelings he harboured at that
very moment.
Finally, Sunil got up from where he was seated. Had a good look
around the sitting room area again, peeped out of the window to have another
good look at his son, and left the house without even saying goodbye to
Matilda, not knowing really where he was heading to, or what was in store for
him in the future.
“Man is the only one that knows nothing, that can learn nothing
without being taught. He can neither speak nor walk nor eat, and in short he
can do nothing at the prompting of nature only, but only weep.” --Pliny the Elder.
tilakfernando@gmail.com
Sri Express - Lankaweb -2013
Sri Express - Lankaweb -2013